name calling and teasing

threats and extortion

physical violence

damage to someone's belongings

leaving pupils out of social activities deliberately and frequently

spreading malicious rumours

Bullying by mobile phone text messages or e mail

First, discourage your child from using bullying behaviour at home or elsewhere. Show them how to resolve the difficult situations without using violence or aggression.

Second, ask to see the school's anti-bullying policy. All schools should have an anti-bullying policy. It is a document that sets out how the school deals with incidents of bullying. You have a right to know about this policy, which is for parents as much as staff and pupils.

Third,watch out for signs that your child is being bullied, or is bullying others. Parents and families are often the first to detect that a problem exists. Don't dismiss it. Contact the school immediately if you are worried.

calmly talk with your child about his/her experience

make a note of what your child says, particularly who was said to be involved; how often the bullying has occured; where it happened and what has happened

reassure your child that he/she has done he right thing to tell you about the bullying

explain to your child that should any further incidents occur he/she should report them to a teacher immediately

make an appointment to see your child's class teacher or form tutor

explain to the teacher the problems your child is experiencing

try to stay calm, bear in mind that the teacher may have no idea that your child is being bullied or may have heard conflicting accounts of an incident

be as specific as possible about what your child says has happened, give dates, places and names of other children involved

make a note of what action the school intends to take

ask if there is anything you can do to help your child of the school

stay in touch with the school; let them know if things improve as well as if problems continue

Families who feel that their concerns are not being addressed appropriately by the school might like to consider the following steps:

check with the school anti-bullying policy to see if agreed proceedures are being followed

discuss your concerns with the parent governor or other parents

make an appointment to discuss the matter with the Headteacher; keep a record of the meeting

if this does not help, write to the Chair of governors explaining your concerns and what you would like to see happening

contact the director of education for your authority; the authority will be able to ensure that the Governors respond to your concerns

If you need further support and information at any stage or the problem remains unresolved, ring the helpline at Parentline plus (see Organisations that can help) or other local and national support groups.

Many children may be involved in bullying other pupils at some time or other. Often parents are not aware that their child is involved in bullying.

Children sometimes bully others because

they don't know it's wrong

they are copying older brothers or sisters or other people in the family whom they admire

they haven't learnt other, better ways of mixing with their school friends

their friends encourage them to bully

they are going through a difficult time and are acting out aggressive feelings

talk with your child; explain that what he or she is doing is unacceptable and makes other children unhappy

discourage other members of your family from bullying behaviour or from using aggression or force to get what they want

show your child how he/she can join in with other children without bullying

make an appointment to see your child's class teacher or form tutor; explain to the teacher the problems your child is experiencing; discuss with the teacher how you and the school can stop him or her bullying others

regularly check with your child how things are going at school

give your child lots of praise and encouragement when he or she is co-operative or kind to other people

If your child experiences these kinds of bullying, a parent can

complain to child's teacher

ensure the child is careful about who they give their mobile phone number or e mail address to

check exactly when a threatening message was sent

when necessary, report incidents to the police

ALEXANDER, J
Your child bullying: Practical and easy to follow advice
Element Books (1998)

ELLIOTT, M
101 Ways to deal with bullying, A guide for parents
Stoughton (1997)

KIDSCAPE
Keeping safe: A practical guide to talking with children
Kidscape, 152 Buckingham palace Road, London SW1W 9TR (1990)

LAWSON, S
Helping children cope with bullying
Sheldon Press (1994)

LINDENFIELD, G
Confident children: A parents' guide to helping children feel good
Thorsens (1994)

MELLOR, A
Bullying and how to fight it: A guide for families
Scottish Council for research in Education, 15 St John Street, Edinburgh EH5 5JR (1993)

PEARCE, J
Fighting, teasing and bullying: Simple and effective ways to help your child
Wellingborough: Thorsons (1989)

TRAIN, A
The bullying problem: How to deal with difficult children.
Condor Book, Souvenir Press (1995)

Advisory Centre for Education
1c Aberdeen Studios, 22 Highbury Grove, London N5 2DQ
Tel helpline: 0207 354 8321 (Mon-Fri 2-5pm)
Advice line for parents on all matters concerning schools

Anti Bullying Campaign
185 Tower Bridge Road, London SE1 2UF
Tel: 0207 378 1446 (9.30am-5.00pm)
Advice line for parents and children

Children's Legal centre
Tel: 01206 873 820
(Mon-Fri 10am-12.30pm and 2pm-4.30pm)
Publications and free advice line on legal issues

Kidscape
2 Grosvenor Gardens, London SW1W 0DH
Tel: 0207 730 3300 Fax: 0207 730 7081
Has a wide range of publications for young people, parents and teachers.
Bullying counsellor available Monday to Friday 10-4

Parentline Plus
520 Highgate Studios, 53-79 Highgate Road, Kentish Town, London NW5 1TL
Tel: 0808 800 2222(24 hours)